repentance

I took You for granted, Lord
All those Masses, confessions—bountiful graces poured out on a spiritually blind man
This living nightmare of closed churches seem as though You’ve withdrawn from Your people
Have we strayed too far, like in the time of Noah?
Do our transgressions surpass those of Sodom and Gomorrah?

We’re reminded that it only takes one natural disaster, one invisible virus for a nation to fall to its knees
And yet we thought ourselves invincible, that our modern empires could not be destroyed
Instead of the adoration chapel, we chose to frequent the golf courses, the casinos, the beauty parlors
Rotting away inside, while wearing the mask of a happy-go-lucky social media persona
Like the prideful Pharisees, are we whitewashed tombs, lacking in the oil of charity to burn in our hearts’ lamps?

I didn’t mean for my worship to become routine, obligatory, distracted, careless
And I pray I don’t turn to You only when I need something; as a sinner, I don’t deserve Your favor, Lord
By disobedience, I have chosen a path that leads to death
But through Your beloved Son, You’ve exchanged death for mercy…
So I only need to die to myself—a Baptism of water, blood, desire, and of Your Holy Spirit

You providentially showed me two homeless men the other day
One was half-crazed, refusing food and drink, calling me the devil and telling me to depart
The other gratefully and joyfully accepting, taking what little I had to offer in a communion of brotherly love
How do I react to You, Lord? Hardened, unable to see Your presence, blaming You for everything wrong?
Or will I be a humbled soul who rests in Who You are, the benevolent Father of this beggar child?

I don’t want to write, don’t wanna say a word
Because I know I’m full of pride, cowardice, worldliness
All I’d do is infect others with my base corruption
Bringing the opposite of glory to Your Name

You gave me talents, and I misused them
Wasted so many years in selfishness
An agent of Satan, rejecting purity and the divine order of things
Preferring hedonistic pleasures and the approval of all the modern Caesars

I didn’t stop to think how I had thrown You to the wayside,
How I had slowly adopted other gods, false and unworthy of worship
Did my sins add sharp pains to Your Heart, and during the agony of the Cross?
When You thirsted, was it for my broken, fallen soul?

I was so full of anger, mostly towards myself
The loss of childhood innocence and joy, I subconsciously knew,
Was the result of my complicating things into a twisted mess of a life
They were my choices, my responsibility, my own character assassination

I don’t want to lose You, Lord
I would rather lose all else
Take everything from me, Lord
In Your hands is the only safe place
Where there is mercy, goodness, and everlasting Love