2024

Am I too impatient, Lord
Wanting to see a Saul to Paul conversion in others
Your miraculous power in full display, in miracles that can convert this hardened world?

Am I too proud, Lord
Wanting to be in control over the salvation or punishment of others?
Though I dare not even think about it, sometimes my heart moves in this direction

I fear that my greatest enemy is myself
Because I can believe that I’m on a righteous path
And yet, do tremendous harm, if I’m not fully acting according to Your Will

Some have prayed that You take their life
Should they ever gravely sin against You, or add further injury to an already long list
I would also wish the same, but find that I would want to make reparation more

Like Saint Mary Magdalene, pouring out everything at Your feet
With no thought to cost, and with the sweet fragrance of love and repentance
Quietly weeping for my sins and for Your bleeding, wounded Heart

As the Church Militant, we’re taught to work the fields because the laborers are few
Sometimes the interior work of the soul is neglected—how is my personal relationship with You?
If I’m going astray, please slow me down, knock me off my horse, frustrate my foolish plans

Let me pray sincerely, listen more than speak
May my passion always be Your Passion
And may Your strength be made perfect because I’m so weak

I used to be so carefree
My faith seemed stronger in the fertile soil and stability of my youth
But I’ve learned that true faith must be mature—tested in battle, in fire, in desolation

Will I be able to suffer and die for You?
Sometimes the sacrifice is to hold my tongue—a brutal weapon unleashing hurt that can’t be taken back
But sometimes my words need to speak a difficult but healing truth
And the world’s misunderstanding, or its attachment to sin, will lead to rejection and the way of Your Cross

I wish I could give You better, Lord
For now, I just try to get out of bed, count my blessings, stop making excuses and selfish complaints

For forty days, You fasted and prayed in the desert
Is this a rite of initiation we all need to go through
Rejecting Satan in our hearts, giving our choice of loyalties
Before the work of God can begin?

I don’t want to be wandering in the desert forever, so please help and instruct me, Lord
Prepare me for mission, and to gain final admittance to the heavenly Promised Land